Usually I don't cross my rant page with my EVOCATIVE! blogger. Simply because my rant page is just for me, just for Jeri to vent out all her frustrations. But lately, 110603 has been on my mind very heavy. And it becomes the subject of today's rant. I've made clothes for 15 years now and ever since 1990 I have at least one fashion show a year. I've participated in more. And what has become a staple in my life is now becoming a stress in my life. And I have a feeling, it shouldn't be that. Every year the collection gets bigger and the reason behind gets more and more profound. And what use to be a separate entity of my life is now an ever growing part of me. Attached at my side, right next to my child, is a living breathing intergral part of me. My dream... Has some how become a being, waiting to receive love, nourishment and care. And once again, I've become the third most important thing in my life. I haven't been number one ever, but I dropped down to third when my son was born. And third place is a bronze metal, but still it's hard. Now I know you think that all of this is voluntary and I can just stop being creative, and EVOCATIVE! can just go away. But it's never been that. Even when it was named something else. My creativity in ingrained within me. And to not express myself would surely kill me. Both emotionally and physically. All creative people need an outlet. If not, their creativity will kill them. You cannot be what you are not, and you cannot hide your true desires. I envy those who have no creativity and who know nothing of fallen dreams and broken hearts. I envy those who say when I get home from work, I watch TV... What??? I can do that to, but the guilt comes shortly after that.

Ever since I can remember, I've always had this dream. At age six I started sewing and I've never stopped. To me making clothes and sewing was my creative outlet and now it's a crutch. One that boosts my spirit and kills my energy, all in one swoop... It's overwhelming, but a blessing.