I couldn't sleep last night. My mind must've been on a lot of things. All night it seems like my dreams were keeping me awake. Hence, I was a little tired this morning. I can drink coffee, but I don't like the taste. I love Starbucks Frappuccino coffee drinks... For those of you new to the starbucks scene, it's coffee, and milk combined to bring you the equivalent of a coffee yoohoo... I like the Mocha flavor. However, it's hell on my stomach. And every time I drink one I have to deal with the fact that I'm getting old and the combination of milk, coffee and chocolate does a number on me every time. I hate getting old. I hate everything about it. I hate the fact that young people rule the world, I hate the fact that I hate music I use to love, I hate the fact that after I turned 30, I gained umpteen pounds, I hate the fact that now I'm considered old school... Wait a second, where did all the time go? I hate the fact that fat, old and balding men are the only men that consider me sexy. I'm not growing old gracefully... I try to fight it every day, but I'm losing. I guess I've grown complacent in living the day to day. The motivation I had is gone and I don't think it's coming back. And while I still have a dream, I think it got put on the shelf. I hate to say it, It finally got deferred. I lost the battle...I can't grind anymore. I can't go without sleep anymore. I can't work until the break of dawn anymore. I'm tired, and to be honest, I'm burnt the fuck out... I'm only 31 and I feel like I'm 60. For so long I worked twice as hard as everyone else. Now I'm feeling the affects... I don't know if the drive will come back. Hell I'm in my thirties... I want to settle down, get married, maybe have another child... I guess your direction begins to change. To all those out there who are still grinding, don't stop... Don't let your dream get deferred...