Questions....

Eternal and internal questions plague my consious mind. And even when I'm sleep, they invade the subconsious thoughts. To ask one is to ask them all, but to leave one unaswered may answer all the rest. Yes I'm confused... About life, love, happiness, creativity, where and whom I am and where do I want to be. And nearly after 32 years of being on this Earth, I'm still no closer to answering some of those questions. I've asked who, what, where, when and how all my life. And today, I'm no closer to grasping the meaning of life then when I was 5 years old. My son is 5 and I see in him a slightly different version of me. I see me, but then again, I see his father. And to be honest, I see my son. He is his own person. My birthday is Friday, and no I'm not excited. I'm glad I made it another year, glad my son is healthy, happy and safe. But as far as myself, and the goals that I wanted to obtain, I don't know. Sometimes I think, " Am I too hard on myself, or am I not hard enough?" It's hard to find direction, when all your day is surrounded by helping everyone else. I see all my friends doing things that I want to do, but can't. I do feel trapped... I don't know when I'm getting out, but I've been trapped for around 8 years now... That's a long time to be lost.