It's 3:11 pm and I'm waiting to go home. I'm contemplating life right about now. And I don't know why that in the afternoon I have this overwhelming desire to think about the world and my place in it. Must be the daydreamer in me. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and some things are finally becoming clear to me. With the onset of such realizations, I can't but help feel anxious.

That's because part of my life is clear and well the other half is still in limbo. I wish all of it was certain, but I can only take one thing at a time. And besides the other half is contingent on someone else. So for now I'll wait... Well at least until I get tired.

Patience is not one of my virtues. Never has been and never will be. I have this desire to always know what lies in store for me. I hate surprises. Maybe that's why I fear the future so much. Sometimes the future is like throwing a coin in the air and hoping it lands in your favor. What rational and sane person wants to leave their lives in the hands of chance?

I told my friend the other day that I feel like I'm part psychic. Sometimes I feel or know what's going to happen. But in this instance, I don't have a clue. All I can do is go with gut. My gut has never steered me wrong. In fact, I only went wrong when I didn't follow it. And my gut is saying hell no... Hang in there... Happiness is closer then you think. My gut is telling me that I'm gonna get all the things I want... My gut is telling me that in the end it's all gonna be worth it...

But in the back of my mind I'm like is that my gut... Or just wishful thinking... But I swear I feel it...