Sometimes I hate being me...
Listening to Al Green trying to decide what in the world I'm going to do with my life. Gotta pick up pieces and start all over again... Or at least that's what it feels like. Reality can be a real b sometimes.
All I've ever been good at is work... I grind real hard... Always used work to mask how I really felt inside. Always pushed hurt and pain aside and focused in on work. That's good sometimes... But at the end of the day... The hurt is still right there in front of your face. There when you wake up. There when you go to bed... There when you try to work. Hard to get away from pain. Everybody deals with it differently. Some accept it, bounce back and keep it moving. Some ignore it.. hoping it will get better.
I still don't quite know how to accept it. It's one of those things in life that is so necessary, but so unwelcomed. So at night... I toss and turn... not knowing how to deal with the grief... Trying to deal with the reality of the situation. The only way I know how... Work... But it's so hard to concentrate on what you have to do when you're fighting tears.
I have to be strong. But real talk... sometimes I just wish I could go into one of those padded rooms and stare at white walls all day and not have to deal with life. Unfortunately, that's not one of my options. My only option is to keep it moving...No matter how much I cry the night before. No matter how much I toss and turn. The sun rises the next morning. And with that sun comes my day along with all my responsibilities.
I curse my father for forcing me to be a grinder. I wish I didn't hear the sound of air guns in the morning. I wish that he would've loved me more instead of forcing me to be so damn independent. I curse my mother for being so strong and never letting anyone get to her. I curse the man that raped me for making my outer shell so tough and my heart so weak. I curse my son for not hating me. For being able to understand me since the moment he was born. And for forgiving me even when I was soooo mean. I curse my sister for always being there and never letting me down. I curse all these people because they make up me... And sometimes I hate being me!
Listening to Al Green trying to decide what in the world I'm going to do with my life. Gotta pick up pieces and start all over again... Or at least that's what it feels like. Reality can be a real b sometimes.
All I've ever been good at is work... I grind real hard... Always used work to mask how I really felt inside. Always pushed hurt and pain aside and focused in on work. That's good sometimes... But at the end of the day... The hurt is still right there in front of your face. There when you wake up. There when you go to bed... There when you try to work. Hard to get away from pain. Everybody deals with it differently. Some accept it, bounce back and keep it moving. Some ignore it.. hoping it will get better.
I still don't quite know how to accept it. It's one of those things in life that is so necessary, but so unwelcomed. So at night... I toss and turn... not knowing how to deal with the grief... Trying to deal with the reality of the situation. The only way I know how... Work... But it's so hard to concentrate on what you have to do when you're fighting tears.
I have to be strong. But real talk... sometimes I just wish I could go into one of those padded rooms and stare at white walls all day and not have to deal with life. Unfortunately, that's not one of my options. My only option is to keep it moving...No matter how much I cry the night before. No matter how much I toss and turn. The sun rises the next morning. And with that sun comes my day along with all my responsibilities.
I curse my father for forcing me to be a grinder. I wish I didn't hear the sound of air guns in the morning. I wish that he would've loved me more instead of forcing me to be so damn independent. I curse my mother for being so strong and never letting anyone get to her. I curse the man that raped me for making my outer shell so tough and my heart so weak. I curse my son for not hating me. For being able to understand me since the moment he was born. And for forgiving me even when I was soooo mean. I curse my sister for always being there and never letting me down. I curse all these people because they make up me... And sometimes I hate being me!
