When you are a child, you often look forward to Christmas so you can get that special toy. You know the one you've been wanting all year. And you really have set in your mind that once you get this one toy, your life will be perfect. And then after you get it, you only play with it a few times. It doesn't become the best toy in your toy collection and 2 weeks after Christmas, you don't even play with it at all. As an adult, I find myself feeling this way. I want something soooooo bad, but is it all it's cracked up to be? Will it make me happy? Will it complete me? Am I looking in the wrong direction? All my life I've often set aside my own dreams. But maybe it's time for me to change focus. Maybe it's time for me to concentrate on the things that will make me happy. And since this is 2006 and I'm not getting any younger, I need to sit down and realize what I want and what is truly best for me. It's time to make a good old fashion list. It's time to change my direction... For what is truly making me miserable has nothing to do with a person... It has to do with me...

I'm at work, as per usual, listening to Launch.com. Yeah I listen to videos at work... Sue me... So I'm listening to this old Usher Video- Think of You... That's about the time where Usher was Puffy's protege.' The video was produced in 1995... Funny how things change so fast... See sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is the videos, internet stations and various CD's. See, I'm just not happy working the 9 to 5. And yes it's only temporary, but sometimes it's so hard to keep the faith. I keep knowing that my day is coming, but it's hard to stay focused. Corporate America isn't for me. I have another calling. I've had it since I can remember. Now just when things are getting so close to being reality, they still seem so very far away. There's gotta be another way. I'm miserable... See now I have a son, a special friend, and a nice house, nice car... Now it's my time to shine...But it seems like my time to shine is not coming fast enough. I keep praying and try to find the faith to make things better. See things aren't bad... I'm so blessed. But I can't lie, working 8 hours a day for someone else can be disheartening. But I can't give up... Creativity is all I know. I just hope that everything works out for me!!! Not knowing the future is killing me, but then again, who really wants to know the future.