I don't know.... Take it for what it's worth...

Al Green... That's for those who want to know what I'm listening to. If you don't then oh well...

Letting Go... See I already posted something about this. But now well the only way I'm going to get off this emotional roller coaster is if I let go. It hurts cause when you really love somebody you don't want to let them go. But in this instance, I really don't have a choice. I can't be where I'm not wanted. And since I've been told on more then one occasion to leave the situation alone, I guess that's the way it's got to be. I don't even want to see him anymore. I'm so angry I can just scream at the top of lungs. Somebody told me that Sheppard Pratt has these rooms where you can just scream and nobody will think anything of it. Right about now one of those rooms with the padded walls seems so relaxing. And there is no ha ha and hee hee about it. I'm so vexed. Cause I know I deserve better then this.

I don't deserve to be treated like shit. And since I keep allowing it to happen, then it's really all my fault. Now I'm to the point of where I really just don't want to do anything. I just want peace of mind. I don't know what that is right now. I wonder if my doctor would send me to Sheppard Pratt??? I could sure use the vacation...

Anthony Hamilton...

That's what I'm listening to at this very moment... I'm listening to his first CD. I like it... He sings from the heart and says just what is on his mind. I don't meet too many men that can say their true feelings...

Speaking of men... That's what my blog is about today. Now I know alot of independent ladies might read this and get offended, but oh well... I gotta say what's on my mind.

First and foremost, the mistake that a lot of Black Women make is that they do not allow a man to be a man. Men like to be the king of their house, the king of their relationship and the king of their woman. You have to let that man be king. No matter if he's broke, unemployed, if his stroke ain't right, if he complains too much, if he cheats, if he yells too much... You have to let him be king. And if you can't accept his faults, then you need to leave him alone. Your relationship will never work. Even if your man is not capable of a independent thought, you have to make that man feel like he came up with your idea.

Even if you are the bread winner, let that man be the king of his house.

Second of all, be humble ladies. See our men are the father of civilization, and this culture has taken it's toll on him. And when you meet a good man that's a little lost, and not quite living up to his potential, you got one of two options... Help him be the man you know he can be, or move on to someone that meets your needs. I'm sick of these women that always complain about their man, but not doing what they need to do to help him. And if you can't help him, then shut the fuck up and move on. You're with him for a reason.

Third, you gotta love that man. Love him from top to bottom. Respect his independence, respect the fact that he may need space, respect his opinions and ideas. Accept him for who and what he is. And if you can't then move on, but still continue to be his friend. Who knows you all might be able to try again someday.

And speaking of being friends. Ladies, we have to know the meaning of that world. Sometimes when you bring sex into a friendship, things get twisted. But if you were friends from the beginning then while the sex may complicate things, it shouldn't change the fact that you are friends. And yes we do have feelings and it may hurt that you're not getting any or not as much as you use to, but if you love that man, be his friend. It may turn into something, it may not. But respect and understand the relationship for what it is.

No I'm not the end all be all of relationships. But I've made plenty of mistakes. And some think that I'm foolish for allowing a man to be king of me. But that's how I was raised. I was raised to be independent, yet to be respectful, considerate, caring and affectionate to a man. My dad instilled that in me when I was a little girl. I guess it stuck.

My head is cloudy today... Too much sleep yesterday... To be honest, I just didn't feel like getting out of the bed. Now I have a headache. And I figured it's nothing that two Excedrin couldn't cure. A friend of mine doesn't even take medication unless he really absolutely has to. Funny how some of us are dependent upon drugs and some of us are not. Over the counter and prescription medication can be just as addictive as "illegal" drugs. Only difference is the government cannot regulate the manufacturing and distribution of contraband pharmaceuticals, hence that's why it's contraband.

I had an interesting conversation this morning. It was about this planet and whether or not millions of years from now, will there be evidence of this day and time. If this planet is around a million years from now, I do think there will be evidence of our civilization. The thing about life is that it's always followed by death. And eventhough this planet has been around for a long time, that doesn't mean it will be here forever. Every thing that lives must die. And this planet is alive. It breathes, therefore, it must die eventually. I think that every planet in this solar system was alive just like ours at one point in time. And they all died, or were unable to sustain life. Earth is the last one to go. When you think of light years and solar systems and all that jazz, it's a wonder that your brain just doesn't go on overload. Humans have this amazing curiousity. We have to know more. We have to create more and learn everything in life to know. But sometimes I think that all the knowledge we have is just a drop in the bucket in the scheme of things. There is so much more that we just will never know. Other realms and dimensions, not to mention other planes of existence.

Wait a second...I need to regroup... Until tomorrow people... I just had too much deep thought for one day.