The hardest thing about dieting is sticking to it. No, I haven't given up yet. I lost a pound... Woohoo!!! I'm getting older now and with a family history of hypertension and diabetes, I cannot afford to gain anymore weight. My grandmother died when she was 55 of a stroke, and my uncle had a stroke in his early forties. That's scary to me. So not only do I need to lose this weight because I'm sick of it, but I need to lose weight for my health. Obesity is a prominent problem within the black community. We all eat the wrong foods. Why are the worst foods, so cheap? In slavery times, we were given the left overs, we were forced to eat parts of the pig that white folks wouldn't think about eating, and we learned to batter chicken, so it would last longer and be more filling. Okay, now it's almost 2005 and black folks still eating like they did 300 years ago. The dollar menu at Mcdonald's has replaced the pig, and to be honest, hardly anyone cooks anymore. To be frank, everyone works, and no one hardly has time. Fortunately, my son is a picky eater... If he wasn't I'm afraid he would be overweight like so many of our children. Too much fast food and not enough play and exercise. Our community got sucked up in this rat race. All anyone cares about now a days is that almighty dollar. You're not successful unless you're a millionaire. Not everyone is destined to make that million. Some of us are going to work hard everyday and not have anything to show for it. Those are the perils of living in a capitalist society. Some of us will fail to live above the poverty line. But don't let that deter you from doing the things in life you want to do. The measure of success is your mind set. Let success be what you make it to be. You have to live with yourself in the end, so make yourself happy... If all you want to do is work a 9 to 5 and be a great mother, then do that... If you want to go back to school to get that degree, then do it. Don't let anyone tell you any different. It's your life and no one else's...Remember that people...

I'm starting a diet today... Well, I wouldn't call it a diet, it's more like a change in the way I eat. I did this before and was successful, but if will power was money I would definitely be broke. It's so funny because I know the key to losing weight and a healthy diet, it's just that it's so hard to not eat junk food. After I turned 25 and starting working a sit down job, I just blew up. Something about all this food. Every other day somebody brings in cake, and then you go to restaurants to eat lunch, and every body has candy at their desk or office. It's a dieter's nightmare. The first time I lost like 30 pounds in three months. I would've lost more if I just would've stuck to it. But things like pizza, and cheese steak subs came in the picture, and that was all she wrote. I'm not a gym person. And to be honest, I gym wouldn't make me lost weight faster, just better. A lot of exercise makes me more hungry, and I'm back to where I started from. My eating habits made me gain weight, not my exercise habits. When I lost weight the first time, I was soooooo energetic.. Primarily because I wasn't carrying around all that weight. We'll see this time...

I work in an office with mainly women. We have a total of around 3 bathrooms, 9 stalls. That's still a lot of sharing... Namean? I hate dirty people. First and foremost, let it be known, I do not sit on toilet seats... Especially at a public restroom. I consider my job's restroom to be public. Second of all, I cannot fathom how people do not wash their hands. That's so disgusting. Especially for women. I read a survey of the cleanliness of public restrooms. The women's bathroom was cleaner then the mens bathroom...But the women's bathroom had more germs. For the record people, our genital area is open... That means it is subject to a lot of bacteria, around and inside...Therefore, I do not sit on public toilet seats.. I don't even sit on toilet seats in other people's houses. And then for a woman to go to the bathroom, wipe themselves and not wash their hands... That's just nasty. Then folks always wondering why they sick. As a mother I've learned the importance of hand washing. If you have kids in day care, you see a lot of illness. That's because kids are nasty, they don't wash their hands the way they should. It burns me up to see a bunch of grown ass women acting like children. Most public bathrooms, even the ones at fast food restaurants provide you with anti-bacterial soap, people need to use it. It's important that we keep clean. Especially, this day in age with all these diseases just popping up! That's my message for today!

Until next time... Peace!

I couldn't sleep last night. My mind must've been on a lot of things. All night it seems like my dreams were keeping me awake. Hence, I was a little tired this morning. I can drink coffee, but I don't like the taste. I love Starbucks Frappuccino coffee drinks... For those of you new to the starbucks scene, it's coffee, and milk combined to bring you the equivalent of a coffee yoohoo... I like the Mocha flavor. However, it's hell on my stomach. And every time I drink one I have to deal with the fact that I'm getting old and the combination of milk, coffee and chocolate does a number on me every time. I hate getting old. I hate everything about it. I hate the fact that young people rule the world, I hate the fact that I hate music I use to love, I hate the fact that after I turned 30, I gained umpteen pounds, I hate the fact that now I'm considered old school... Wait a second, where did all the time go? I hate the fact that fat, old and balding men are the only men that consider me sexy. I'm not growing old gracefully... I try to fight it every day, but I'm losing. I guess I've grown complacent in living the day to day. The motivation I had is gone and I don't think it's coming back. And while I still have a dream, I think it got put on the shelf. I hate to say it, It finally got deferred. I lost the battle...I can't grind anymore. I can't go without sleep anymore. I can't work until the break of dawn anymore. I'm tired, and to be honest, I'm burnt the fuck out... I'm only 31 and I feel like I'm 60. For so long I worked twice as hard as everyone else. Now I'm feeling the affects... I don't know if the drive will come back. Hell I'm in my thirties... I want to settle down, get married, maybe have another child... I guess your direction begins to change. To all those out there who are still grinding, don't stop... Don't let your dream get deferred...

Last night or early this morning, I caught the last half-hour of CSI Miami. It's a good show. I'm not addicted to it though. I prefer the real life forensic shows. Like New Detectives, Forensic Files, Cold Case files, etc... Some people say I'm morbid. I'm not morbid. All those that know me, know that forensic science is my second love. My first is of course fashion. I was in my junior year in college when I contemplated changing my major to criminal justice with a minor in biology. But to be frank, I couldn't take the dead bodies. At my school, all medical and science majors had to dissect human bodies... Whew, couldn't deal with it. Therefore, I continued with my fashion degree. For some people, science and religion are a conflict. Never bothered me much. I was always good in science, never once did it conflict with my religious beliefs... Well except the theory of evolution, but that's a huge debate that I don't want to talk about today. I don't believe in the big bang theory either. Man has been wrong about a lot of things, I don't want to believe a man over the bible. Sorry folks, it's not going to happen...

Okay, back to the subject at hand. I enjoy CSI... It's entertainment. Some of the forensic tests they perform are not real, but on the whole, the show is pretty accurate. The one last night was about a pedophile who killed a child he was going to attack... Killed her by accident. The sedative he used reacted to the cold medicine she was taking. Come to find out, he killed numerous amounts of children... Wow, what a sick bastard. Yes it was CSI, but I've seen numerous cases like this on the real forensic shows. So to be frank, this episode of CSI wasn't about fiction, it was all too real. Which, is why I only like to watch not do... Couldn't look the human monster in the eye everyday...