A good friend reminded me of just how impatient I am. You have to be patient with men. Me, well I'm an impatient individual. With everybody and anybody. And most of the time I'm impatient with men, relationships, friendships, etc...I'm always quick to end a situation before it starts. It might have something to do with avoiding a broken heart. In retrospect I think how many relationships have I ruined with my impatience. I wonder how many people have I driven away with a constant need to feel in control of a situation. You can't control people. They are going to do what they want to do. And no matter how hard you may want something to work, if it's not meant to be, it won't be. As an adult, it's hard to accept the whole premise of fate. It's not logical. We tend to not recognize things that aren't logical. No explanation for love, fate, destiny, faith, religion. It's just one of those things. One of those things that cannot be explained and cannot be forced. It's something you have to feel and believe in. It's an individual thing. I wonder if my impatience stems from a lack of faith. Maybe I need to believe that everything is going to be alright. And God has a reason for everything. Maybe I need to be myself, and stop worrying about things that I cannot control. Maybe I should let God do his job.

Giving Up...

Sometimes you gotta know when to throw in the towel. Gotta know when your efforts are in vein. And it's not that I didn't try, but my hands are tied. Nothing I can do about this one. Sometimes, I don't learn my own lessons. Or at least, I tend to forget them. I guess when you lie to yourself, you can convince yourself that things are a certain way. When in all reality, things just aren't going your way. And they never will. Well at least not when it comes to certain things. Fate is an interesting concept. It has a lot to do with faith as well. I hope everything works out for all my friends. I will never wish ill will on anyone, but now it's time for me to give up...

I can only live my life to the best of my ability. No one else's. I can only do but so much. I can only be me and what I'm meant to be. I can't fill anyone else's shoes. I can't be a dream girl or a princess, or a model. I can only be a hard-worker, a mother and a friend. That's it. And if you are my friend, I can extend my hand to help you, but not my heart. That part of me has died and has given up. And this broken heart is beyond repair.