Needs vs Wants...

I went over my homeboy's house today for lunch. Grabbed a beer and a bite to eat. We started talking about life and his relationship. It was a touchy subject because his ex is a friend of mine... And his current relationship is not with his ex... you feel me? So we're talking and I'm trying to stay in the neutral zone cause I don't want to be in the middle of this shit... Then I started to realize that sometimes the person that you want isn't necessarily the best person for you. I'm sure that his ex is somebody that he still has love for, but is that the person that's good for him?... Probably not. I'm just being honest people. You can shoot me later. And then I started thinking about my relationship and what I want versus what I need. I need a friend. The man in my life has to love me as a friend. That's bottom line. And while I may want the commitment thing and the marriage thing, I'm thinking is that the best thing for me right now? How can I honestly be committed to a person enough to be married to them. I got so many things going on, can I honestly be a wife? Sometimes it's hard being a best friend. Just imagine how hard it is to be a wife to a man. Don't get me wrong, I do want to get married, but am I being realistic? I don't need that right now. I just need a backbone. I just need to know that I have somebody in my corner. And yes I will admit that I prefer the company of men. I always have. I have female friends but they are few and far between. Most women are too fickle for me.

When I was talking to one of my homeboys yesterday, he wanted me to define my relationship... I couldn't... At first I use to think about that definition, now... well, I just let it be. It is what it is... The man that I'm involved with is my best friend... And some may say that's wrong, but when we talk, and when we spend time together, it feels so right. And since neither one of us is committed to someone else, why not just enjoy the realm of each other... That's what I need right now... And ironically that's what I want too...

If you love somebody, you love them. There is no justification why I love you. I just do. Being a fool for love sometimes comes with love. Yeah I wish things were different sometimes, but it is what it is. Am I a fool for live? Most likely. But I've been happy over the past few months. Was I ready to be in love? NO... But it is what it is. I wish somebody could make a movie about this type of love affair. But I don't think it's movie material. It's hard... Plus it's not ideal or perfect. What real love story is? In life we have to deal with all types of situations. Some good and some not so good. You have to think is the person you are in love with worth what you may have to deal with. Some people may answer no. Which goes to show that there are a lot of people that are in relationships that really don't need to be in one. My love is unconditional... So what things aren't easy, anything worth having in life never is. And despite what people may say I know that I love him and that's all that counts.