Every now and then I have to remind myself that I'm too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed.

My son woke up early today. What a miracle. He never wakes up early. Every morning it's a constant fight to get the child up and running. But this morning he woke up bright and early, came in my room and requested to watch cartoons. I don't know whether or not he couldn't sleep or was he officially awake. He went to bed sought of early last night. 11pm to be exact. My son is a night owl. Always has been. Ever since he was born. And now he's the big 5, and has a hard time sleeping at night. I've tried everything to wind him down. He's just a ball of energy and well, he's not a morning person. I wonder if my slight case of insomnia has anything to do with it. Maybe he wants to be up with me. Who knows. He's a peculiar child. And from the second I laid eyes on him, I knew that we were instant friends. He looked at me like he already knew me and something about his expression was like hey, how you doing lady?? Long time no see... When he was a baby, he use to complain about seeing ghosts and spirits. They kept visiting him until I went in his room and told them to not see Naim anymore. They were scaring him. He never complained of the ghosts after that. Maybe it was a mental thing. Or maybe he's one of those children that attracts spirits. Something about his friendly nature and open mindness. Every parent thinks their child is gifted. I never thought Naim was gifted, but blessed yes...He definitely is a unique individual. One that is profound, and always in thought. And I often wonder what his 5 year old mind is thinking. He's so protective of his mommy. I try not to disappoint him, but at the same time, he handles rejection so well. I'm glad that my son is growing up in a realistic world. A world where he may not get everything that he wants. But he's still spoiled. To be honest though, he deserves it. He deserves the world because he's my best friend and the only person that loves his mommy unconditionally.

Making it Work...
I've been making clothes for quite a while now. And I've been having fashion shows for nearly the same amount of time. And one thing that I've learned from all those shows and all those clothes, is that sometimes you gotta make it work. Things aren't always going to go the way they are supposed to, but the biggest mistakes often turn into the most beautiful creations. You just gotta make it work. Sometimes the fabric doesn't quite match, or you can't get the buttons you need, or your client can't afford the best fabric for the job. But sometimes, you gotta make it work. That's the whole point of being a designer. Making something out of nothing. I use to enjoy that about fashion, and now it seems that's what I'm doing with my life. Making something out of nothing, and always trying to make it work.

Blah, Blah, Blah....

That's how I feel today. I have a headache and my sinuses are acting up, and to top it off, I'm tired as hell. I couldn't sleep last night. Don't know why. So today I'm feeling real blah and yucky. And the same stuff I've been ranting about for the past several months is still bothering me...So I guess ranting about it is not relieving the cloud of sadness that surrounds my heart from time to time...I don't have any explanation to what this blog is for. Some folks enjoy reading it, some don't. I guess it's just my way to vent. I grow tiresome of venting to friends, cause friends got too much to say... Sometimes you don't need advice, you just need a hug and somebody to listen... I can always count on my son for the hug, but he never listens...His attention span, well... He's 5,give him a break. And my pillow swallows all the tears, never wipes them away. I gotta do that. Yeah I'm a grown up, but sometimes I feel like a kid. I'm so confused and so hurt all the time, and there is no comfort for me... Just gotta hold it all in and pretend, it doesn't hurt.

Love is the happiest and the saddest emotion I know. It's so beautiful but yet it can be so ugly. When no one loves you, you feel like the world is going to end, and then when you're in love, some times you can't wait to fall out of love. It's a huge contradiction. I try to avoid it at all costs. But every now and then it gets to me. I'm impatient. And my mind gets so cloudy from time to time. Only way to get rid of that feeling is to sleep it off. My bed is calling me...My mind is confused and my heart is heavy...

Life is too short...

A friend of mine told me that they were HIV positive. And as much as it hurt me, I couldn't help but think that life is too damn short. No one is promised tomorrow. And each and every day you live is a blessing. People fail to realize that life is not a guarantee to you. We are human beings and vulnerable to all types of dangers. HIV doesn't care if you are black, white, male, female, straight, gay, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, young, old, infect it doesn't care at all. And since it is disease, it should be treated like any other disease. We should prevent it at all costs. Because HIV is associated with a lifestyle, people are ignorant to it. They think they can't get it. They say well I'm not Gay, and I don't do drugs and I'm in a monogamous relationship. I can't get HIV. We need to open our eyes people. That's like saying I can't catch a cold cause I wash my hands all the time. It can happen to any of us. The only way to not get it is to prevent it. And most of us are guilty of not being cautious at times. I know I have been. It doesn't matter if you are sleeping with one person or fifty, that one person could be infected with HIV. Aids is at an all time high. It hasn't gone away, it's gotten worse. People are living with HIV because they have too, not because they want to. There is still no cure.

The news I heard this weekend has lead me to make some decisions in my life. I'm looking at life differently. Please love each other people, but most importantly, love yourself.