It's 3:11 pm and I'm waiting to go home. I'm contemplating life right about now. And I don't know why that in the afternoon I have this overwhelming desire to think about the world and my place in it. Must be the daydreamer in me. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and some things are finally becoming clear to me. With the onset of such realizations, I can't but help feel anxious.

That's because part of my life is clear and well the other half is still in limbo. I wish all of it was certain, but I can only take one thing at a time. And besides the other half is contingent on someone else. So for now I'll wait... Well at least until I get tired.

Patience is not one of my virtues. Never has been and never will be. I have this desire to always know what lies in store for me. I hate surprises. Maybe that's why I fear the future so much. Sometimes the future is like throwing a coin in the air and hoping it lands in your favor. What rational and sane person wants to leave their lives in the hands of chance?

I told my friend the other day that I feel like I'm part psychic. Sometimes I feel or know what's going to happen. But in this instance, I don't have a clue. All I can do is go with gut. My gut has never steered me wrong. In fact, I only went wrong when I didn't follow it. And my gut is saying hell no... Hang in there... Happiness is closer then you think. My gut is telling me that I'm gonna get all the things I want... My gut is telling me that in the end it's all gonna be worth it...

But in the back of my mind I'm like is that my gut... Or just wishful thinking... But I swear I feel it...

Fate...

You can't change what's meant. The question is What is Meant? You can swear on the life of your children that certain things are meant, but guess what? You don't know. Life is all about change. And as much as you may hate it, your life has no choice but to change. We are living on an ever evolving planet. And us as human beings go through life cycles. You are born, you live and you die. And no matter how much money you have, and no matter how hard you pray, and no matter how much you cry, cuss and fuss, NOTHING will ever change that cycle.

Just like your life cycle, I believe that certain things are meant to happen. Yes I believe in Fate. But I also belive that GOD gives us choices and puts certain signs in front of us. It's our choice to pay attention to those signs or ignore them.

An age old human question is "What's Meant for Me?" It's a question we all have and one I think even Jesus asked himself. And certain answers to certain questions will always be I don't know. Life as well as death is the biggest mystery in the world. With all this modern medicane and modern miracles, one can only still postpone the inevitable. There are millions of people that hear every day, "You only have 6 months to live." How would you live your life if you heard that? What would you do? What what you say? Who would you want to spend that 6 months with? And how would you live your last days?

You should live your every day life as if you had to answer those questions. Or at least try to. Nothing on this earth is promised to you except Death. You cannot rely on anything to be given or handed to you except Death. I've never been one to embrace the fate of my human body. Nor have I been want to accept it. 34 years on this Earth, and I still cannot face the inevitable.

But today I'm willing to accept my fate. Because GOD has an incredible sense of humor. And I know that he will always come out smiling.