Little Things...

I'm sitting here listening to Donell Jones... Thinking about all the little things that get us through life and through our day... When I was younger I never thought "wow one day I want to work a 9 to 5 and dedicate all my time and energy to another person's company". But most of us never imagine things like that when we are younger.

I've been on this earth for 33 years. And to be honest, time has went by so fast... It seems like yesterday when my son was born and when I met the love of my life... Now, it's almost 7 years later and all I can think of is how fast time goes by... When you are younger, it takes forever to grow up and then when you get there, you want time to slow down again.

Back to the subject at hand... You come to appreciate all the little things in life when your life is going by so fast... I long for the days where I can sit and do nothing. Chilling... And I miss drinking a beer on the front steps and listening to the Isley Brothers... And I miss laying next to you in bed and thinking that I didn't want that moment to end... Now everyone seems to be rushing... Rushing to do what? Rushing to die? Nah that's not me... I'm relaxing... I think all of us should sit back and appreciate all the the little things. The little things that make our day easier. And the little things that help us get through life.

Marriage....

Yeah I want to get married. But to be honest, I don't know if I'm wife material. I'm not even girlfriend material...Well at least not to my knowledge... I don't cook and to be honest, I get tired of folks real quick... I don't see myself tolerating one person but for so long. The bad thing about dealing with someone for years is that you get use to them. And anyone that comes along after them automatically gets compared to that person. My nephew reminded me that just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with that person. Yes I said my nephew, he's 18. But he's right on that note. It's hard to turn off feelings. And even harder to not love someone that you know you love. On another note, life is far too short to be unhappy. And for the past year or so, I've just been floating through life. Yeah I've had a boyfriend or two, but both of them were a waste of time. Not because it didn't work out, but because I wasn't happy. Why be in a relationship with someone and not be happy? Maybe I didn't want to be alone... I'm quick to say that relationships just aren't for me. And eventhough, I'm not alone, I'm still single. And trying to find a mate in this backwards, selfish world can be difficult. I feel like if I want to get married, I have to settle. Settle for someone who just doesn't understand me, my wants or my needs. And to be honest, what would be the point. I can only be me.

I have a "friend". I guess it could have it's benefits, but in the long run, he's a good companion. If that situation prevents me from finding Mr. Right, then so be it. Besides, I don't think Mr. Right exists. We all got issues. You might think somebody is perfect, only to find out that he or she isn't the person for you. Then you wasted 8 years thinking that you were getting married and all you got are memories. Time is not endless, at least not your time on this Earth. And pretty soon every situation or scenario comes to an end. Do I wish things were different in my life? Yes... But it is what it is. Do I wish I would've waited to have a child? Yes... Do I wish that my life was normal and I was married by now? Yes... But one thing that I've learned in life is that you can't live by shoulda, coulda, woulda. You can't live your life in the past. You can only move forward. Not knowing the future is one of my biggest fears... But it is what it is...