Hmmmmm, just what should a blog be? Should it be a journal, or some sort of daily word to those that may be listening? Should it be a medium of expression and creativity? Should it be a log or daily gossip dispenser? My blog is just that, a blog. It tells and expresses whatever is on my mind. And right now at this very moment, I have a lot on my mind. I have a tendency to get distracted in life. Hey I'm only human and I tend to lose focus from time to time. When I thought about my blog entry for today, I figured what should I write about?

Should I write about my fears, hopes, and dreams. Or should I write about the flood of emotion that I'm going through. Should I write about my son, or my business, or my Mom's B-Day being tomorrow? What should I discuss today... Or better yet vent about today?

I think I spoke about this before, but I'm a real live woman. I have fears, needs, desires. I love life and I love men. And despite the fact that I'm business oriented, I do get lonely. When I meet most men they see past my femininity and treat me like one of the guys. Yeah I'm a man's woman. Meaning I always get along better with men then women, but at the same time, I'm still a woman... Hello??? And just because I can have a conversation with a man on most of the subjects they discuss and relate to doesn't mean that I'm any less feminine then the next woman. What exactly is femininity? When I was younger, I was kind of forced to hide my femininity. I was raised by my dad... So yeah you guessed it, no make-up, no nail polish, pig tails or braids all the time, and forget ever wearing something that showed my shape. I think that had a big influence on me not being a "girly girl." I have dated guys who had problems with that. Hey face it, I'm not prissy... What's the big deal? I don't cuss like a sailor or walk around like some sort of tom boy. I'm just not into most things that women are into. Yes I make clothes, but I hate shopping and getting dressed up. I'd rather spend money on other things and I'd rather make clothes that I would never wear. I have jewelry and never wear it. I never wear make-up... For what??? I don't think I need it. I don't get my nails done... I make clothes, it interferes with my work and it's a waste of money. I don't get my hair done cause to be honest, my hair is so long that it would cost a fortune to maintain, so it'll be up in pony tails until I decide what I want to do with it.

I can only be me... No one else. I'm a beautiful person inside and out. I love life and the people in my life. I think that everyone should have their own personal style. Why can't I have mine???

I'm sitting here drinking the cup of coffee that I thought I didn't need this morning. Turns out I was wrong. Therefore, I'm drinking coffee in the afternoon. I'm not the biggest fan of coffee. I drink it because sometimes I'm so tired, it's the only thing that gets me through a long day.

For some reason, today is one of those long days. Don't ask me why... I guess maybe because I got sleepy way too soon. And over this hot cup of coffee, I began to have some realizations. No matter how hard you try, you have no choice but to deal with what life has given you. You have to deal with your choices and the things that came about because of those choices. We all make mistakes, and guess what, hind sight is always 20/20. Maybe now I can move on with some things that have really been bothering me. Life is what it is. You cannot change the past so it's no use to say shoulda coulda woulda. This isn't a magic carpet ride and this isn't "It's a Wonderful Life"... You're not going to be able to see life without you in it. Being an adult is realizing your limitations and also taking responsibility for your actions. Just because you're 18 doesn't mean you are capable of that. It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that my life is what I make it to be. I can only live my life, no one else's. And in the long run, I'm the one that's accountable for my life.

I've tried to be a good person, maybe I've been to good of a person. Maybe I've been naive. Now I'm seeing that the norm doesn't have to be your life. I'm happy with the friends I have. I'm happy with my apartment (well sometimes), I'm happy with my car, and the direction my career is moving. I'm tired of measuring my success by other people's standards. Everyone has a different definition of success. And no matter what happens in my life time, I know that I'm a success.