At this point in time, I don't know what to write about. But here goes. Sunday is Mother's Day! So to all the moms out there, I wanted to wish you a Happy Mother's Day! I never really got anything for Mother's day from my son's father. Not even a card. I guess I'm not a mother to him. Who knows. So for me, mother's day is really just another day. This year my sister is taking me and my mom out to an early dinner. I think that's going to be great. My sister lives in PA, so it's always nice when she comes to town. I see her all the time, but it never seems like I see her enough. My relationship with my family is a little strained. Don't know why, but I haven't really spoke to some of them in years. I guess we all just went our separate ways. I didn't think family was supposed to do that. But who knows. Everybody's family is different. I know a lot of people with kids. I'm 32 so almost everyone my age has children. Everybody keeps asking me when I'm going to have another. I really don't know. I wanted to have another child by the time I was 35, and since I'm no where near being married, or in a relationship, for that matter, then I don't see me having another child. I wanted a little girl. Just so I could do her hair and make her clothes... Heehee! Nah, but seriously, a little girl would be nice. But reality always seems to set in. I'm a single mother of one, I'm not trying to be a single mother of two. Namean? I'm not knocking anyone who is, I just can't do it.

I do get frustrated, because this is not what my life was supposed to be. I didn't want to be a single mother at the age of 32. I always wanted to be married and have a family by now. And yes, you never know what may happen, but I can't help but to think that I'm going to be single forever. I don't know why I get that feeling. But maybe it's because love just doesn't work for me.

Everyone is talking about Michael Jackson and whether or not he's going to jail..To be honest, I really don't care. Yeah he's a pop icon, but he's weird. And show business is one business where you cannot be weird. Especially around someone's children. Do I think he's a pedophile? Ummm most likely. But if he isn't, he truly put himself in that predicament. Okay, so he likes the presence of young people, okay, you got plenty of relatives that have sons, why you never had them around you? What was your fascination with other peoples kids? Ummm, don't know about you people, but I would never have my son around Michael Jackson or any other famous celebrity alone. Infact, I would never have my son around any strange man alone. He only would spend time with his grandfather or his uncles. I'm very protective of my son. So no, there will be no boy scouting ventures or sleep-overs at friend's house. He can spend time with his cousins. What I really fail to realize is why would you even let you son go over someone's house that has been accused of child molestation already? That's just insane to me. And it's not my place to judge anyone, but that doesn't mean my son can be around you. Cmon now. I really think those parents took advantage of the fact that Michael is weird and a suspected pedophile. They purposely sent their kids over there so they can get some money. But let's just think about it, what if he is a pedophile, and what if he did molest those kids? Then that means people set their own children up to be molested just so they can get some dough. What kind of sick shit is that? I'm sorry, but no one has enough money to buy my child or his happiness? I would rather us be broke and he remain innocent, then rich and he be forever tainted. People but prices on their children. They worst then crack mothers. People have no shame nowadays and that almighty dollar got you selling your own kids for a buck.

I love my son more then life itself. And I would give my own life so that he could live. Yeah I get mad when people don't realize that children are an extension of you. But not only that, they are more important then you. They didn't ask to be here. You made them. And yeah we all get frustrated as parents, but my son is my world. He's all I have right now. He's the only one that loves me unconditionally. I can be fat, ugly, one eye, deaf, dumb, it doesn't matter. He will never judge me because he knows that I would do whatever I had to do to take care of him. Too bad a lot of children don't know that about their parents. People don't look to the future. I know my son will take care of me. He does already.

I have twin bottles of Tylenol. One stays in my desk at work, the other in my purse. Yes I keep a headache. And while I've never tried to be a doctor and diagnose the problem, I can't but help to think it's related to my diet. Or it may have to do with the fact that I probably need glasses. Staring at a computer all day is bad enough, but then when I get home I'm sitting at a sewing machine all night. Hell on my eyes. My sister had the same problem with her eyes. Funny thing is she went to the eye doctor and he said she needed bifocals. Man she was hot, she even told the doctor he was full of it. But then when her glasses came in and she put them on, she was surprised that she could see more clearly. You never know just how bad your vision is until you wear glasses. My mom has bad eyes. Can't see a thing without her glasses. And my dad's vision is funny in one eye. He has a problem with depth perception. So I'm grateful to get to 32 years without a pair of glasses. But I might have to breakdown and get a pair for work or reading.

Sign of old age I guess...Yeah I'm in denial. I pretend I don't see the gray hairs, and I pretend that regular radio stations don't bother me. Truth is, can't stand them. I don't want to get old. The world is ran by the youth. Already I'm 32 and I feel like I'm 62. What's going to happen when I'm 62? Am I already going to be in the grave? Jeesh!

I didn't know what to write about today, so I decided to write about Marmaduke. Well that's what I call him. Marmaduke is the Great Dane that lives right across the alley from me. He barks at everybody. He's not friendly enough to be called Scooby Doo. He's always outside and his living space is kind of small. Poor thing, doesn't get much exercise. Maybe that's why he's always cranky. Sometimes, his owner does let him in the house. I imagine he's probably put in the basement or something. Whenever, he's in the house, the pigeons always take a bath in his water and eat his food... I always laugh when he comes outside and cusses out the birds. They fly away so fast cause they know they were wrong. And then after they fly away you can hear Marmaduke mumbling to himself. Just like an old man...I don't know what's the point of this entry. I don't know what made me talk about that grumpy dog today. I don't even like dogs. But Marmaduke is a funny character, and every time I look outside and stare into the sky, somehow I look at him and always laugh. Maybe everyone needs a Marmaduke across the alley from them. A mean old dog that's not really mean at all...