Happy New Year to everyone!!!

This will be my last entry of the year. I thank everyone for all the advice, and all the hate. (Not too much hate this year, folks are getting better) I started this blogger to vent my frustrations to whomever felt like reading. And not too long after it started, I took it down... Only to find out that blogger kept it up and running. I guess it was fate. So now the rant page is back and folks are reading.

The good thing about time is that it's constant. And to be honest I'm kind of glad this year is over. I've went through a lot this year. Some folks have been there and some have not. I'm glad I got to see folks' true faces. And I'm also glad that I made new friends. Thank God for 2005, and I'm glad I'm getting to see a new year. Remember all those that didn't.

Roaming…

Like a cell phone signal far away from home. Always roaming. Not knowing quite where to land. Wishing that I had all the answers to all the questions. Never getting the solution to the problems my heart encounters. Seems like an endless plight. Will my heart always roam? Where is the real estate agent that will find my heart a home? Can’t earn commission off of that sale. Maybe that’s why I will continue to roam. Day after day,night after night, can’t seem to find my home. Hoping that when I lay down, I won’t wake up alone.

Smiles and laughter hide the inner tears. Cover girl can’t disguise these scars. For every time I encounter someone, they get deeper. Pretty soon, they’ll destroy the little bit of heart I have left. It’s ironic that what I need the most is destroying me the most. Never satisfied. Sometimes I want to curl up and go to sleep. Hoping and praying that when I arise, it will all be a bad dream. Damn near 32 years on this earth, and I’ve yet to accomplish my greatest wish, my most awesome desire, the thing that I’ve wanted more then anything. Never saw the knight in shining armor, never met the prince that gave me the kiss of life, never met the person I could be with happily ever after, never will I be rescued, never will I be saved, where is my redemption? Am I looking in the wrong direction? Some say be patient, but patience is dampening my spirit and burdening my heart.

Where is my shepherd, or must I continue to roam? Never quite settling down, and always alone.

Yeah, I had some entries on here that I took down. That's cause folks like to read my blogger, swear it was about them, and cause drama. The two entries were a little personal, so I took them down. So I guess I'll rant about something else today.

To be honest, I'm still mad, but I'll get over it. I hate the fact that people do not understand the meaning of friendship. And all too often, it involves some sort of back-stabbing or misunderstanding that no one bothers to resolve. In which case, none of us is perfect, so it would behoove me to just push certain people aside that are currently in my life. This way I know that no more drama will occur. I really don't like dealing with people. Maybe that's why I really don't go anywhere. It's work and home/work and back to work again. I feel like it's safe to not really bother with people. Because all of a sudden, someone has a problem with me, and my kindness. I do not know why people want me to become like them. I will never be like anyone else. I can only be me. Whether that's being kind, or wearing my hair curly, or wearing baggy clothes, or not wearing any make up. I can only be me. I've found that by being on this earth for 32 years that the only person/people I have to worry about is me and my son. And while other people come in and out of your life, they aren't constant. So why even stress over them? Who cares? Half of them really don't care about me anyway. They talk about me behind my back and act as though they are something they aren't. People like that deserve to be around each other. They won't get me caught up in the drama. Too old and too tired.